Thursday, December 20, 2012

My “Want” List

**WARNING: If you are hoping to read some uplifting post, you may want to exit out. I’m just sayin…

Today is tough for me. I wasn’t expecting it to be, but it has been. I want to be home with my boys. Actually, I want to be home with my boys (all 3) and my baby girl. I want to be on leave from work. I want to be tired from getting up during the night, and I want there to be a combination of Transformers and baby dolls to wrap and put under the tree. I want to rewash all the baby clothes that we washed and put into a suit case, but I want to rewash them because they’ve been worn.

That is really want I want.

But since that’s not possible, here’s want I want in place of those things.

I want someone to come and tell me what to do with all the baby clothes that we have. Actually, I want someone to just come take care of them for me, because right now it hurts less to leave them lay on my bedroom floor than it does to have to pack them up.

But then here’s the other place that my head and my heart go:

I want the chance to bring a few special gifts to Brooke. I want to sit and visit with her and see how it’s going. I would love to be able to visit with her about Christmas and Christ and the one True Love. I would love to be able to tell her how many people have lifted her, her sweet baby and our family up in prayer. I would love to hug her and encourage her and let her brag about her beautiful baby. I would love to read Ephesians 3 to her and explain what that has meant in my life.

Hey, at least I don’t ask for much, right?

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever. Psalm 106:1

4 comments:

Heather said...

I won't tell you what to do with the baby clothes because each person is different, but I will tell you that I, at one point, found it very therapeutic to make multiple consecutive trips down to our basement where I literally threw (in anger) every single baby thing we owned in a dark corner. And then slammed the door behind me. And cried.

Storing the stuff away for a time did not cure the ache of my heart, but it was good not to have the physical reminders be the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I looked at before going to bed at night.

And for what's it's worth - and sometimes this is all we really need to hear - I totally understand. We are praying for all of you.

Karen said...

I, too, am praying for you, your husband, and your boys. About the clothes: I would fold the clothes back up, praying all the while for the baby who WILL someday wear the sweet little things. I do understand, I had a box of baby clothes saved for 18 years before we adopted our sweet daughter. They were the clothes my godmother saved for me that I wore as a baby. She sent them to me when I married in 1975. I have pictures of my daughter in some of the dresses. My heart aches for you but I know that God loves you and has a plan for you. Blessings, Karen

~Kristi~ said...

I think we should go shopping for greeting cards at Target & maybe eat french fries and dessert at Applebees. Yes??

I wish I could take your hurt & throw it into the wind. Still praying for you guys all of the time. Loving you more and more each day! -Kristi

Mary said...

Hi Kelli - Thanks for your lovely email. It was so sweet and my heart goes out to you. The pain stinks... getting chosen is like running up a flight of stairs and you are so excited to be to the top and when it doesn't work out you have to walk painfully step by step back down when you would rather just slide down the banister and be done with it. I have to say I never thought "that" would happen to me... but it did. Time is the great healer. Stay strong : )
- Mary